foot, meet mouth.

So it has hit the interwebs. And I feel oh, so silly about my slightly bitter post a couple weeks ago. Please know that I was writing it from a very honest and real place in my heart, I had NO idea about this precious little spirit that we are being blessed with. I guess Heavenly Father was not only showing me a little patience but some humility as well. And with that said, I cannot even tell you the magnitude of our excitement and gratitude! Yes, I cried over that silly little stick that I peed on, we rushed out to get 10 more tests, and I have been puking my guts out ever since. When I originally found out I calculated my due date to be April 6, putting me at about 9 weeks right now but a few days ago we had to go in to the doctors for some pains I was having and they dated the little nugget at around 7 weeks. Lame, but we saw the heartbeat and everything looked perfect! And yes, we realize the social norm is to wait until 12 weeks to let the cat out of the bag but A. we cannot contain this excitement and B. at the doctor's appointment everything looked so great that we were given only a 5% chance of miscarriage (so obviously we are praying like crazy that we are not the exception in this case). So, whew, that's it. We have a baby coming! 

from the bottom of my heart.

You guys, when I posted that last one about babies and all the various details, I NEVER in a million years would have expected to feel so much better, not to mention so much love and support. To every single person that reached out to me in some way, I can't thank you enough. I appreciate the notes, the texts, the comments, every little bit. I can tell you this, I have faith in Heavenly Father's plan for Zac and I, and our future little ones. It is absolutely in His own time.

Because you (& your neighbor, & your dog) have asked

*Heads up, this post is personal. If you don't want the nitty gritty it's probably best you skip past this one.*

Babies. There, I said it. Let's address it. Yes, Zachary and I have been married for two whole years now and yes, we were indeed commanded to multiply and replenish. So why don't we have a baby? Not that it's anyone's business but mine and Zac's, I'm kind of over the awkward questions from friends, family, and weird acquaintances.

Truth is, I want a baby pretty badly. My body just doesn't seem to want to work with us. This is where it gets a little personal so look away if you would like to pretend like our baby will come from a stork. 

I have been off of the pill for around 10 months and my body will not ovulate by itself anymore. As some of you may know ovulation is pretty important for makin' a baby. I have visited a couple doctors (one of which scared the bajeebies out of me, saying that I was infertile. woah, that word was harsh.) and the last doctor prescribed me a medicine that should help my body. I will need to go back in for another appointment soon since it's been 6 months on this particular pill and no dice, I'm hoping something like Clomid can help me out.

You might be asking why I feel the need to open up about this all of the sudden and why I think people care and there are a couple answers. Like I said, I'm sick of the questions, but also because it's been a huge weight on my shoulders for a while now. It's hard not to feel alone and a little bit broken. It's hard not to constantly wonder why we are facing this trial in our marriage or wonder if it's a lesson in patience that I'm not quite getting. I feel a pit in my stomach every time someone else announces that they have a little spirit on the way, not because I'm unhappy for them in ANY way but because I'm waiting for the day that I can make that announcement. 

Does this make sense? Am I being crazy? (I can answer that one... yes, I am) But man, it feels good to write this out. We are grateful for the time that Zac & I have had together and for the stability that we've found. We have faith that someday we will get that crazy excitement over a weird stick that you pee on and be able to share in that fun with our family and friends. And I know that someday we will be totally awesome parents. We're just waitin' around for that someday... :) 

This is my baby for now.

Lucy.

Zac and I have added to our happy little family! This little lady came to us through a crazy but wonderful guy named Tony. Tony is a regular at my work and we have had a running joke for a while now that since I don't drink and he bought the rest of the branch drinks one night that he "owed me a puppy". At first it was just a running joke that I could bug him about but shortly after it started he knew a guy selling boxer puppies and asked if I wanted one. Duh, of course I did. But at the time Zac and I knew that a puppy would be a pretty big expense and we weren't in a situation to do it. So the puppies were all sold. Well, last week Tony came in and told me that one of the families that took a puppy couldn't keep her anymore and he wanted to find her a home. I jumped right on that! I wasn't really sure of why the family didn't want her or how she would be but I couldn't pass something like this up. Sure enough, Saturday Tony showed up in his big ol' truck with this precious little girl just for me. 

I know it sounds silly but I could have wept I was so elated. To keep it simple, I need something to take care of. Babies aren't in the equation right now (which is a whole other story on it's own. Someday I'll write it all out) and I was ready to go get a pet rock just to have something to call my own and take care of. That's where Lucy has stepped in and filled that void. What an angel dog we were blessed with. She just LOVES to be loved! The family she was with before obviously didn't care for her that way that they should have. At first she was terrified of the tennis ball, would back away quickly if you got a little loud, and wouldn't make a peep. I think now that she has been here a couple days she is starting to realize that this is home now, and that we love her like crazy. Her little personality is starting to come out and she is the perfect match for us. I can't even stress how much of a blessing she is to me. Aaaand now I'm that crazy dog mama but I love it! :) 

teal.

I don't get Saturdays off of work very often but last week was the exception. A whole Saturday off to myself, I had no idea what to do. Well, Friday night I stopped by to see Stephanie and told her I would love to paint my bathroom with the only issue being my lack of desire to buy paint for it. I was at that point where I was over picking colors and debating endlessly on whether I would love it or hate it once it was on the wall, ya know? So Steph, being the kind soul that she is suggested I take a can of teal paint she had left over from painting a dresser. Free paint? Yes, please. So I decided to keep it as my little secret from Zachary and surprise him when he came home that night. It took ALLLLLL day to do it, but it is finished and I am in love. I initially thought it was a little dark for my taste but it has definitely grown on me. Probably because it looks a MILLION times better than it did before. Let me remind you of what the bathroom looked like before....

Yep, pret-ty classy.

So I began. I had to patch a couple spots in the drywall and scrape off old sealant tape around the tub surround that looked like it had been there for quite some time. Oh yeah, it even had hair in it. Not ours. Cool. 

Then the paint happened. 

That was the point where I stopped and thought to myself "What if Zachary hates this? What if I'm just wasting my time?" But then I thought "Meh, it already looks better even half painted, just go for it." 

Here is a nice side-by-side to show you the dramatic change. Huzzah! I'm so glad I went with it and finished it off. Just a few more little touches here and there and I can consider it complete! :) 

PS. Zachary loves it. Some of our friends miss the forest. You win some you lose some. 

home.

Sooo Zachary & I have bought our first little home! It is in the CUTEST little town, Windsor. We have purchased it with full knowledge that it needs some TLC (aka lots of work) but we couldn't be more excited! The guy we bought it from had renters in it previously and they weren't exactly gentle with it but we have done all the necessities to make it clean and livable while we save up for all the big exciting stuff we have planned! New floors (a super dark lamanite "wood" throughout), expanding the teeny tiny bathroom, all the good stuff! Here's a little peek into our latest project... 

Front room looking from the front door

This half wall was absolutely POINTLESS. And we knew we would just end up storing junk on it.

Front bedroom. Someday this will be my (our) office! The carpet was gnarly so Zac just pulled it out. 

Second bedroom, mostly storage right now but hopefully in the future a cute little nursery :)

Sorry about the stuff all over, this is when we were in the midst of moving. 

Other side of the kitchen. Please notice the lovely stencil work on the walls.

The mini bathroom. Mural included at no extra charge.

Our bedroom! Luckily, when Zac pulled up the carpet in here we found the original hardwood flooring! So neat!

Front room after a quick coat of paint & some bright new curtains! Someday there will be some amazing crown moulding on the top and bottom (is it still "crown" if it's by the floor?)

I love my grey walls. And the fact that the half wall is gone :) Pulled right off by my super manly husband.

So there you have it. Home. We also have a huge yard that needs lots of lovin' too but that is honestly the least of my worries. We are so so excited to see what we can do with it and make it OURS! It's still so crazy to think of ourselves as homeowners but it's a reality now! Craaaazy. I'll keep you updated as we go along & if you have any tips go ahead and throw them our way! 

hooked.

I can't count how many times I listened to this today. I'm officially hooked. Also, the new dancemix of Somebody That I Used to Know? It makes my ears bleed. And that's that.

two.

I seriously cannot believe it's already been two years. Best two years of my life, hands down. 

I love you, Zachary. Happy Anniversary.

my melissa.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love my beautiful stepmom Melissa? Because I do. In fact, I even hate the term stepmom. She is my Lissy Mom. She has loved Kylee and I as her very own for the twenty years that she has been married to my dad. She is truly incredible. 

Unfortunately Heavenly Father gives us trials, I feel like the biggest ones come when we least expect them. Melissa, my darling Lissy Mom, has been diagnosed with breast cancer. It is spreading quickly and everything is happening in such a blur that it's hard to describe the emotions that are coming and going and causing me to crumble into a pile of tears in mere seconds. I hate thinking of the pain that she is going through, the fear she is feeling, the bravery she has to summon each and every day... 

I know Melissa will get through this. She is a strong woman. I just ask for prayers. Prayers for the doctors to be able to best diagnose what she needs, for the family to remain strong and confident during this crazy time, for Melissa to feel calm and blessed. There is a big mountain that still needs to be climbed, but as my dad said, we'll all get to the top and the view will be amazing and even more appreciated. 

Lis, I love you. We're all rooting for you! 

things you need to know about right this second

The title pretty much sums it up. I am doing you a kindness here. Please go find all things I am going to show you and love them as much as I do.

Let's talk for just a second about how much I adore this video. The first time I watched it I was like "whaaaa?" because hi, that's Rupert Grint and I was slightly confused but now when I watch/listen to it I just bask in the amazingness of Ed. Love him. Love this song. Also, why are British gingers so cute?

yes, I realize this is super "hipster" but I am madly deeply truly in love with this song. I listen to it maybe 50 times a day. There is a radio station here that I like (which is a big deal, I usually hate the radio) and they play lots of local music & this is a mainstay. Go Colorado for having such amazing music. And this video? Yes, hipster. Yes, kind of annoying that you can see a guy in the mirror wearing a cowboy hat. But dude, that girl? Presh! And the look she gives the main singer before they start singing is just ridiculously cute.

Again, suuuper hipster but it makes me want to drive around singing all cheesy like I'm in a music video. Love it. 

Now, I guess that's enough music but there are a couple other things I'm in love with right now. Liiike...

Strawberry Watermelon Mio. Or any other flavor of Mio. Soooo much better for me than soda & it keeps me drinking tons of agua! 

This quote is amazing. And a good reminder for me to take life one step at a time.

Instagram is magical! I couldn't wait for it to be on Android & now I can take vintage-y photos on my phone to my heart's content! Find me on there! username: thelittlemartin (a nod to my nickname given to me by our cousin Ben, since all the Martins are pretty large creatures. Not me being weird.)

April 2012 General Conference talks online. Especially this one.

And last, but DEFINITELY not least. The most exciting news... at least until it's my turn. 

My first niece or nephew on my side of the family! (it's toootally going to be a boy, I just know it is) I am so excited for Kylee & Michael! They are going to be such amazing, loving parents! I can't wait to see what the little booger looks like and be able to spoil him rotten and all of the fun aunt stuff I will be entitled to! Due Halloween!

let's talk about the Hunger Games.

Alrighty. I love me some Hunger Games. Seriously, maybe the best series I've ever read. Clearly I needed some midnight premiere action so I dragged Zac and our friends John and Whitney along with me and they weren't quite as enthusiastic as me... This picture pretty much sums up how they felt about it. The creepy hand is Zachary. 

We were in maybe the weirdest theater group of people ever. Nobody had any sense of humor at all, which I find fairly imperative in a large group of people sitting in close proximity for hours on end. One girl got up in front of everyone and said "May I have your attention please!" so everyone shuts up and looks at her thinking something exciting was about to happen and then she just goes "May the odds be ever in your favor" and scampers away... Whatever, do your own thing. If you want to be silly, do it. But everyone just STARED. and STARED. No reaction whatsoever. So John yells "TEAM JACOB!" just to be dumb and still NOTHING. Lame-o's. No giggles later either when John asked "Soooo, this is Harry Potter 8, right?" in the most convincing voice. 

Then the movie started. And at first I was really upset. That filming really got to me and I was so afraid that the whole movie would be like that, luckily once the reaping was over I was good to go. I'll just make a few important points of how I felt about the movie.... *SPOILER ALERT*

>I feel like the cast was absolutely PERFECT. I loved Peeta & Katniss' chemistry! I die!
>Watching the movie, I was really bugged about how they completely eliminated Madge and the Mockingjay pin was given (back) to her by Prim but the more I sit on it, the more I'm ok with how they changed it. I understand the story needed to fit into a theatrical timeline. I'm still not sure about how I feel on the amount of Foxface we saw. Too little? Maybe.
>What was with the careers being all flirty and snuggley?! There is no hint of romance in the book between them and I was bugged that they felt the need to add that
>Is it weird that I found Seneca Crane super attractive? {EDITED: at first I wrote Caesar Flickerman, and I love Stanley Tucci and all but I find him more funny than attractive. Sorry man!}
>Haymitch schmoozing for the sponsors was weirdly touching. I love that they showed his effort to be "a part of the team"
>I have a big ol' girl crush on Elizabeth Banks. Seriously. Effie was perfection.
>I could have done with a lot more of the romance aspect between Peeta and Katniss. I wouldn't change the movie now that I have seen it, but I was hoping for more. I don't think Haymitch would have thought that was acceptable. And where was the stew!?
>Last one, the braid touch at the end when Katniss is counting. I. DIED. Peeta was so GOOD. I just want to scream I can't even handle it. And he didn't want to forget!!! Who can blame him?! Ugh. Just.... Love. Love it so much.

What were your thoughts? Team Peeta or Gale? Did it meet all of your expectations? 

I must apologize.

You guys.

 Seriously.

 I feel like I have lost all concept of what this little blog is supposed to be. I kind of dread thinking of things to blog about. I whine a LOT on here. I talk in a weird, distant narrative voice. Welp, I'm done with that. I need to be real on here. I will probably still post whiney things, but in a more real way. I feel like especially in that last post about my photos I used real emotions but edited the way I presented them and I don't like that. This blog is about me (& that handsome husband of mine) and our real life. I need to rediscover my "blog voice". Ready? Go. 

keepin' it real.

Insecurities.

I like to consider myself a fairly confident person. Except in one area of my life. My photos. I adore taking photos and my ultimate goal is to be able to make my name known as a photographer but I am in constant doubt about my abilities. Is this normal? I don't even know. As I sat in front of my computer for hours while editing my last shoot (an absolutely gorgeous wedding in Utah) I was the most stressed I have felt in a very long time. I would edit a photo, feel good about it, and then instantly want to delete it and start all over. WHY?! Where does this fear come from? Now that I have sent the disc out to the newlyweds I can look at them and feel comfortable knowing that they like them but I still have that nagging in the back of my mind. Ugh. Anyways, enough for now. Just some thoughts. I know someday I will be able to feel comfortable with my work I just need to keep working hard & taking as many photos as I possibly can! If you'd like to see my latest work, you can find a small album here. 

lack of photos.

You know, for someone who dreams of taking photos as a livelihood I reeeeeally suck at documenting our life. Words only do so much on a blog. So I apologize. I know you're all just dying to see our lovely faces... Perhaps tomorrow after my fresh haircut I'll be in the mood to snap some :) Anywho, we've just been busy as ever! We recently took a trip to Utah for a wedding I shot so I've been glued to my computer screen trying to organize & edit the billions of photos from the weekend. I loved every detail of the wedding and I would consider it to be my best work to date. So between work, photos, and trying to work off this nasty marriage weight I've been pretty busy! Oh, which speaking of losing some ell-bees, I could use all the motivation I could get! I've never been great at sticking to working out but this time I am dead set on it so send some positive vibes my way :) also, being my friend on myfitnesspal would be grand, too! Find me, username amyjomartin. Zac is running around being awesome as always. His new company is doing great and we're so excited about it! Their website is up and running so go check it out, like his Facebook page, and send those positive thoughts his way, too (and maybe some referrals? Haha) www.immota.net We are still in our primary calling teaching the 5 year olds which is an adventure to say the least... Last week I had a little boy call me annoying because I made him sit by Zac when he was acting up. Uhhh, thanks? I didn't even know what to say and Zac wasnt paying attention so the little booger basically got away with it. Whatever. I pick my battles other than that we're just stoked that Easter candy is starting to show up in the stores... Tis the season ;) we've been watching a ton of psych and chuck in our few hours we get together. Life is pretty grand if you ask me.

Merry... uh... whoops.

Hi! Yes, I'm a little bit late, but I wanted to write about Christmas. I understand it's almost a month later... so sue me. :)

Our Christmas was absolutely perfect this year. Last year was fantastic but we were running around trying to make everyone else feel happy and loved that we didn't feel like it was much of a first Christmas. So we stayed cozy & warm in Greeley and enjoyed our time together. Christmas Eve we went to the Searle's house for dinner and games, they were so sweet to have us over. Callissa was so generous she even sent us home with some pull apart bread for breakfast in the morning! So we got home about 12:15 (so TECHNICALLY it was Christmas...) and Zac was so excited for me to open my gifts he talked me into opening our presents right then! I think the best part of gifts from Zac is how genuinely happy he is for me to see them. Yes, he spoiled me. Rotten. My very favorite is my new sewing machine! I am determined to take my basic knowledge of sewing and improve it by like, a million. He is truly the best.

As for our Christmas tree, it's a long story but we were gifted a BEAUTIFUL tree from the Searle's but it was way too tall for our little apartment so we had to trade it away. I am a little bit sad but we got a tree that fit & we got to have fun decorating it (and tying up some of the branches with yarn... haha!) I still have sparkles all over my floor though... This photo is obviously before we filled the bottom with presents. Perhaps because we left all of our shopping until December 23. Meh, it all worked out.

Also, last thing about Christmas... I didn't get a chance to send out any cards this year but I created these little beauties and felt they had to be shared. So I sent them out via email and facebook. Classy, I know. Hope you all had an amazing holiday season!