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There are times when I just want to flop myself on the ground, throw a fit, and yell "Why?! Why is life unfair?!"

Today is one of those times. This morning, around 11 I believe, my grandpa Jack passed away in Idaho. For those of you who don't know what's been going on with him I will try to explain... In April of this year my grandpa was sent to Salt Lake for a quadruple bypass surgery and a valve replacement because he was having heart problems. After the first surgery was completed his heart was doing great but they discovered blockage in some of his arteries leading to his brain. There were a lot more complications during his stay in the hospital there but finally in June he was able to go home to Idaho.

My grandpa was an amazing man, to say the least. I loved him as much as any little girl can love her grandpa. He was like a super hero to me, nothing could keep him down. He had been through so much including ridiculous stuff like brain surgery and West Nile. I even wrote in my journal during the time of West Nile that it was so hard for me to see my big, strong grandpa so weak. I didn't believe it could ever happen. But he was always so resilient. He was always there. He would always tell me that his favorite memory with me was sitting on the concrete steps in the back when I was little and I was explaining to him, "I have a dad, and a step dad. And my step dad makes me eat vegetables. Vegetables are disgusting." And he always just laughed when he would tell me that because he was impressed with my vocabulary at such a young age. And just remembering how he would tell me that story makes me miss him so much it almost hurts.

The last time I got to see my grandpa was in the hospital in Salt Lake when Zac and I stopped on our way through during the California to Chicago move. I hate that that is my last memory of him. I'm so glad he got to go home from the hospital and spend time with the family before he passed. I can just imagine him back at home laying on the floor of the living room in his spot just like he always did. Oh man, I gotta stop, I haven't stopped crying since I started writing.

I know this isn't the most eloquent writing, but I needed something to do rather than sit here in my apartment and cry. I can't wait to be home with the family, I fly out on Sunday. I want to just sit with them and relive our happiest memories of grandpa, to work through this together. It still feels surreal for me.

Here are some photos that I took for grandma and grandpa in April, the night before they headed to Salt Lake for the surgery. This is how I want to remember him, so in love with grandma and happy in little ol' Firth.